Core Belief Profile 1
The Perfectionist Elephant
Role Description
The Perfectionist has a strong need to be considered a ‘good person’. They are driven to do what is perceived as right and good in their community. They live by extremely high personal standards and expect others to do so as well.
They focus on living the Perfectionist right way. This stems from an assumption that there is ultimately a correct solution for every situation. Perfectionists are dedicated to this Perfectionist right way as a statement of character, regardless of how attractive other ways might be.
They have high standards because they feel they must gain a sense of worthiness (love) through being good, correcting error and being responsible. They seek autonomy through strict adherence to social rules, and through imposing them on other people.
They do not acknowledge their resentment of an alternate view until they are absolutely certain that they are in the right and then they express their anger as self-righteous indignation. This self-righteous anger is often an externalisation of their preoccupation with being correct so that they can avoid guilt or self-criticism.
Their focus is on being right, particularly compared to other people, which gives them a sense that they are ‘better than’ others. Because they are seeking approval for having dPerfectionist the ‘right thing’, anything that is perceived to be ‘wrong’ will represent an irritant that MUST be removed.
Focus of attention:
• What is right and wrong. They are particularly concerned with what is wrong so that it can be corrected.
• The rightness and wrongness of other people’s behaviour in comparison to their own.
• Self-criticism and criticism from others.
Focus of energy:
• Getting things right.
• Issues about integrity.
• Maintaining standards judged to be important.
• Being responsible and self-reliant.
• Suppressing personal needs and natural desires.
Focus of Avoidance
• Making mistakes.
• Being aggressive.
• Losing self-control.
• Violating social norms.
Preferred communication style
• Prefers clear directions with lots of definition and structure
• Needs to understand things thoroughly before moving on
• New information should come in manageable pieces and at a steady pace
• Likes to narrow the focus and cover all the angles; often uncomfortable with open-ended material
• Wants to be able to learn/do things correctly, even if that means going slowly
• Wants the instructor/manager to be competent and socially correct
Dos and Don'ts for this Core Belief Profile
Do
• Do be neat. It counts for a great deal.
• Do express yourself politely and with consideration. Perfectionists believe in etiquette, so use socially polite words such as: please, thank you and you are welcome.
• Do be punctual. Perfectionists are fixated on staying on schedule. If you make them late they are unlikely to quickly forgive or forget.
• Do admit to your mistakes and genuinely apologise. Be very, very specific about what you admit to doing wrong.
• Do anticipate the problems in your own area of concern. A Perfectionists will discount your contribution if you are not perceived as being able to find the likely problems in your own area of responsibility.
• Do remember the details. Perfectionistss are very detail-conscious and so they will appreciate small gestures like being on time or remembering names.
• Do talk in a respectful manner. Ensure that no one appears stupid and ask for permission.
• Do use humour to gently help them laugh at themselves. Use fun and novelty in relating.
Don't
• Don’t try to subvert the proper channels. They exist for the purpose of maintaining order and so must be adhered to.
• Don’t disagree with a Perfectionist. Instead, present your argument in a ‘what if’ fashion.
• Don’t offer criticism without providing a consistent objective framework for the criticism. Perfectionists will want to know what rules they have violated – and will want a copy of the rule book.
• Don’t expect compliments.
• Don’t boast about your achievement or improvements.
• Don’t let your relationship become a power struggle. Perfectionists need to be right. Look for other right answers.
Suggestions for Professional Development
• Try to model the behaviour that you want to see in others. Do not merely criticise others until they comply with your expectations.
• Appreciate that many of your comments will be taken as criticism, regardless of whether you see them that way.
• Develop realistic expectations for yourself.
• Appreciate and accept that making mistakes is part of the learning process.
• Understand that people do not want to be judged. So if you insist on constantly offering criticism you will be shunned and avoided.
• Do not adopt the position of moral champion; take a break from the job of policing everyone around you.
Danger
• Resentment.
• Judgement.
You could also be:
The Artistic Elephant
The Epicurean Elephant
